


crash and burn (your own funeral)

by dramatic_audio



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: alessandra will also probably punch juno in the face, and then fanboy all over buddy and vespa, buddy aurinko and co. found family don't fight me on this, juno crashes his own funeral, peter will probably show up, thanks to the tiny tpp discord family that brought me this at like 12 am
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-25 18:18:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14982851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramatic_audio/pseuds/dramatic_audio
Summary: juno's stayed too long in the cerberus province. what better reentrance than crashing the funeral held by the man who lied to you, manipulated you, and is now mayor ofyourcity?





	1. call to action

**Author's Note:**

> i'm running a lot on headcanons generated in the tiny tpp discord, and let me tell you, fanboy peter is actually the best version of peter nureyev

“what is this, an intervention? because i’ve gotta say, buddy, three people is a bit weak.” 

it was nearly midnight. starlight poured in through the windows, setting the glasses sparkling behind the bar and illuminating the three sprawled around their table. they all looked up quickly at the creak of the door hinges.

buddy laughed. “hardly. take a seat, won’t you?”

he scowled at the three of them—vespa, with her green curls growing out from jet black roots, pulled into a loose ponytail, the big guy, wearing his typical blank resting face and his typical brown jacket, and buddy, high-heeled boots up on the table, a bottle of _something_ a quarter of the way gone on the table—before dragging out his usual chair and taking a little of that something for himself.

“fine, then, who died?”

“nobody, as far as we’re aware.”

“oh really? thanks, big guy.”

“juno.” buddy swung her feet down and leaned forward, chin in her hands. “it’s about time you returned to hyperion city, don't you think?”

he went into defense mode—and his voice went two octaves up. “what, getting rid of me so soon? and here, i thought we were—”

vespa rolled her eyes, and he stopped.

“i’ve told you,” he said. “i don’t want to go back. i don’t—i just. i can’t, okay?”

“actually, buddy purchased a new ship just yesterday. it should have the capability of travel to hyperion city.” jacket’s face was neutral, and it pissed juno off.

“i know,” through gritted teeth, “but i _can’t_.”

“we’ll be with you, of course,” buddy said. juno blinked. “but listen now, juno. we’ve gotten word that your funeral is being held in a week.”

“my—wait, _what?_ ”

she nodded, poured herself a refill. “you’re famous, darling, and also widely believed to be dead. ramses o’flaherty is holding a huge ceremony for you. you’ll have half the city there, the kanagawas, the entire hcpd...”

“you’re kidding.” juno stared at her. “okay, not kidding. that _bastard_!, i can’t believe—”

“well, believe it. and that isn’t the most exciting part: we will _also_ be there.”

“all-all of us?” he glanced around the table; jacket nodded, vespa smiled nervously, and buddy—there was a light in buddy’s eyes he hadn’t seen since their last big heist. something alive. 

“what... what are we going to do, exactly?”

she grinned, and tossed her hair over her shoulder. for just a moment, he would have sworn they were all statues in the starlight, with vespa’s fingers drumming, ticking against the table, the big guy’s chin resting on his fist, and buddy, tilting back on her chair legs, like she’d never fall again.

“we’re going to crash your funeral, darling,” she said. “and then we’re going to burn it all down.”


	2. Hestia Sharp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...you know who ;)

the alleyway looks like the kind of place for an illicit meeting: narrow, loose bricks scattered across the way, speckled black with grime and dry blood. 

“it shouldn’t be complicated,” the man was telling him. a moon shone through the clouds, falling on his heavily scarred face. “listen. the mayor of the city is holding some big funeral for some big celebrity that died. _that’s_ where my guy is going to meet you, alright? same time, same place, exactly twenty-four hours before.”

“no exchange, nothing?”

“nope. you tell him the silver hawk—if you laugh, i’ll slice your other nine fingers off—is fully recovered and ready to do business, same time, same place. you also tell him it’ll be at four, sundial time. you get half the payment now, and half when you get back.”

“sounds simple enough, i suppose.” hestia sharp, the alias of a man with no name, flashed pointed teeth in what could resemble a smile, if one hadn’t seen a predatory animal in their lifetime. “but next time, could you find a nicer alleyway to meet in? these boots are new, you know.”


	3. something nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i did not do this scene nearly as much justice as it deserved, but oh well. found family's a weakness of mine.

“come in, juno. i can see you lurking in the doorway, you know.”

he hesitated, before moving forward and shutting the door with a soft _click_. she was poring over a map, red hair tumbling across her shoulder and bleeding into the yellowing paper. she glanced up, a flicker of a smile crossing her face in an instant before it was gone.

he dragged out a chair. it screeched against the tile and he winced.

“lift it up next time, will you? this is a new spaceship, and i’d rather you not carelessly scratch it all up.”

“yeah, sure,” he said, distracted. he tried reading the map upside down and had almost figured out what he was looking at when she deftly swept it up, folded it, and put it in her bag. “hey, i was reading that!”

“no, you weren’t." she paused to fiddle with a zipper, before sitting up again. "well, spit it out, now.”

“i—uh, what?”

“you have a question. it’s written all over your face, darling.”

he bit his lip and thought for a moment.

“just—why me?”

“i’m sorry?”

“why are you coming with me? why not just send me back, alone?”

“well, i thought it should have been obvious, juno.” she smiled, really smiled, this time. there was something nice about a smile like that, he thought. he couldn’t put it into words, but there it was. “do you remember what i told razbach when he asked if i had a family to support?”

“you said that you... pick your own family.” it fell into place then.

“there it is, juno.” that smile again. “you’re family, and we protect our own.” 

there was something nice about a feeling like that, he thought.


End file.
